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Palm Trees & Plagues
I don’t really know how many tentacles an octopus has but a toddler always has eight more than you do.
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Moving to Michigan
Although if you come over and want an authentic northern China experience, I’ll hand you a shovel and point you to a tree on the far corner of the property.
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Hanging Out with the Relatives
It’s a good thing I married a wonderful wife who has a completely normal family history. Oh, except for that one time Janice’s grandpa thought America was going to be…
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Hunger, Vacuum Cleaners, & Moving North
Fasting Janice and I have begun to fast regularly. I don’t mean “fast” as in speed of motion, although Janice does drive fast regularly; I mean fast as in to…
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Seven Serious, No Nonsense Tips for First Time Parents
I’m not saying you have to be enthusiastic about poop – that may be a little overboard – but you’ll have to be able to tolerate it.
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Good Habits & Bad Habits
At this point, her tiny toothbrush probably has more germs on it than the toilet brush.
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Like an Iguana with Its Head Cut Off
I clean the van in the most frustrating way possible.
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Leaky Pipes
If a stinkbug farts in the attic, Janice will stop what she’s doing and look at me accusingly while raising an eyebrow.
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The Stroller Analogy
Sometimes kids teach us things. I know it’s supposed to be the other way around but my kid is just extra smart.
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Leaving the Farm, Milking Cows, & Vinegar Baths
Then I grabbed that dangling, fleshy udder and squeezed as hard as I could. A little drop plinked into the bucket.
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Eggs in the Toaster
This laser-focus-on-one-thing-at-a-time means that I’m not equipped to babysit a toddler at a reasonable level of competency.
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The Miracle of Life and the Madness of Pregnancy
God, If Janice loves Alaska, we’ll move there. If not, then I’ll stop bugging you about Alaska and we’ll get on with our lives.
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Almost Heaven, West Virginia…
This lodging has three distinct advantages over a grub filled rotting tree: electricity, running water, and a porcelain toilet.
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The $20 Refrigerator
Maybe I could anoint it with oil. Maybe I could cast a demon out of it. That way the repair costs would fit into our budget, unless of course the…
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Visiting the Potawatomi Zoo (& a few innovative zoo ideas of my own)
An expert zoo visiting tip: Bring a Brazilian blow gun with you so you can subtly provoke the animals to swing around their cages exhibiting maximum fierceness
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Rain, Flies, Cooking Shows, & A New Mattress
I want to slap every one of them and throw them into a grass covered hut in Haiti for a few weeks and feed them nothing but monkey brains and…
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Adi’s Lingo
Quickly and easily learn to speak like Adilene, our 16 month old daughter, with this comprehensive guide.
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VBS Conclusions, Chicken Poop, Feasting Like An Amish, and Other Things That Happened.
Once I start honing my bitter edge of sarcasm, it can be hard to put that weapon down.
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Burn Couches, Not Bridges
Junk piles seem to grow to point where they have their own gravity and actually start absorbing items into themselves. It will begin pulling things off shelves and will actually…
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If You’re Happy & You Know It… Sing This Song Again
Some people build cathedral like nurseries for their babies, inspired by the best and brightest ideas that Pinterest has to offer. They equip the room with inspirational banners reminding the…
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Garage Sale Cultures
In Lancaster County you’re a slacker (which is a slippery slope to a sinner) if your garage sale isn’t churning out revenue by 6 am. Then it shuts down promptly…
