Happy 3rd Anniversary, Janice! I’m happy I married you. Hopefully this “poem” doesn’t cause you to regret that decision…

Janice, she’s the she for me

She’s the one for me, you see.

She tickles my ticker; makes it gurgle, giggle, and hippety hop.

It wiggles, jiggles, and positively pippety pops.

“But human hearts do no such thing,” you sneer,

Your snoot dripping dreary and frowning from ear to ear.

“Hearts always go boom bippoty bop, boom bippoty bop.

They never gurgle, giggle, or do a hippety hop.”

“Ah ha!” I cry, ” Watch your words, don’t hurl them in haste.”

I waggle my waggling finger, I wiggle it in the space before your face.

“Just you wait, I would wait and see,

It’ll happen to you like Janice has happened to me.

All it takes is a single girl; the right girl,

To make your gray matter wish, wash, and witherwhirl,

To make your tongue unfurl and flop from your lips to your lap,

To make your blurbs blubber from your blathering trap.

Your knees will knock; your hands will get sweaty and sweaty-er.

Your heart will hee, haw, and beat all hipper skipper.

But master that muster, mister, and give it a go,

If she’s the she for thee, it’ll soon show.

Her weird womanish ways will woo and wile,

Soften your stern sourness, make it smirk, smiggle, and smile.

And before your mind can catch the time,

Her womany wile will be your smile, mile after mile.

Take it from me cause we knitted that knot

We agreed to be betterer until best, whether plenty or nought.

And it’s not always easy to be bettering like you should,

But she’ll help you betterer, better than you thought you could.”