In case anyone comes and visits my family in the near future, I thought it may handy to have a guide on hand so you can try your hand at holding fine points of conversation with our 16 month old, Adilene. Adi’s lingo may sound like gibberish to the untrained ear but that’s why I’m offering you this exhaustive concordance. Our offspring is actually quite brilliant.

Bocko: Water, usually tap water. This also could mean any liquid that is consumable. Also sometimes refers to just a cup or any container that holds bocko… er, water. Sometimes uses as a noun, sometimes a verb (in reference to wanting to drink water). Context is a clue.

Bockee: Coffee, typically a medium roast Arabica bean. Only refers to coffee being poured into a cup from a coffee pot or French press (we’re pretty upscale). Coffee (or anything else for that matter) spilled on the floor is “Op-t-t” and coffee in a Thermos or coffee cup is also simply referred to as “Hot.”

Hot!: Said with much emphasis that comes from personal experience. Usually used in conjunction with a pointing finger. Refers to anything in a ceramic coffee cup or guampa (a Paraguayan tea cup and filter straw). Also refers to an electric tea kettle. Possibly even refers to the outdoor air temperature or surface temperature of the sidewalk.

Ahwet: Used whenever something is all wet, usually outfits or puddles from the hose. It can’t just be a  little wet, it has to be all wet. Only then is this phrase used.

Amish: Refers to a mess that has been made, usually by Adi herself. Examples: Potting soil from potted plants pulled from the window sill. This is not a reference to a religious community.

Op-t-t: (Oops) Used rarely. Typically “Amish” or “Ahwet” is used to describe a mess, or both in a rotating pattern.

At: Anything sitting on top of the head including books, actual hats, or towels.

Ice: Usually used has an excuse to poke you in the eye. Disguised as an effort to show you where your eyes are. Obviously we don’t know because we keep asking her where her eyes are.

Yuck: Usually a reference to something she’s eating or playing with that she shouldn’t be such as toilet water or the trash can. This doesn’t have anything to do with taste but rather refers to the sanitary conditions of the object.

Quackcake: Refers to a fictional scenario where someone bakes a cake and puts it in the oven for “baby and me.”

Dis: (Sometimes pronounced Dat) or strung tougher (Dis Dat Dis) – Usually accompanied with finger pointing. An attempt to get you to give her whatever she is pointing out. Typically not very specific. You may give her what you think she’s pointing at but if it’s not what she wants she’ll keep saying it until you empty the whole shelf or refrigerator.

Bite: She wants to slobber all over whatever you’re eating.

Joose: “Juice” – Milk specially formulated for infants and delivered via mommy.

Bee-Butt: The odd looking cavity typically found in the middle of one’s abdomen (not the cavity that you sit on).

Oh No!: Reference to YouTube video where a fictional elephant climbs up a clock and smashes it. This phrase is always used in conjunction with the word Crash!

Trash!: A botched reference to Crash. See definition above.

Choo-Choo: A train horn, obviously.

Up: Used repeatedly. This can mean “Pick me up” or “Get me that thing up there on the shelf” or even “Set me down” or “Help me get back down the stairs.” Adi is very efficient with her language skills.

Happy!: (Pronounced with a whining crescendo) – Simply start singing if “You’re Happy And You Know It” and don’t stop until she’s sleeping or until she interrupts you by saying…

Tick-Tock!: (Pronounced with a whining crescendo) Immediately start singing “Hickory Dickory Dock” and don’t stop until she’s sleeping.

Gawk-Gawk: Anything involving chickens.

Shoo!: Involved in getting chickens to leave the premises.

No-No: I don’t want to, I don’t want that, Daddy said not to do this but I’m doing it anyway.

Bomb Bays: Not the cargo bay of a bomber aircraft, rather a reference to “Blueberries,” a common fruit found in grocery stores.

Poop: Noun or verb. Anything that is excreted below the belly button.