The other day I was walking past the oven. Janice had something sizzling on the stove top. Suddenly a loud bang echoed through the house which caused Janice to scream. I calmly jumped four feet in the air and assumed a defensive karate position.
So anyway, at least we don’t have a squat pot. Although if you come over and want an authentic northern China experience, I’ll hand you a shovel and point you to a tree on the far corner of the property.
It’s a good thing I married a wonderful wife who has a completely normal family history. Oh, except for that one time Janice’s grandpa thought America was going to be destroyed by God and so he moved seven of his fourteen kids to Paraguay to escape the Apocalypse (true story).
…Her brothers poked the headless iguana with sticks and, since the lizard still had working reflexes, it would scurry off in a random, undetermined direction.
Since Janice is pregnant she has a super doppler sense of smell. If a stinkbug farts in the attic, she’ll stop what she’s doing and look at me accusingly while … Continue Reading Leaky Pipes
A couple weeks ago, our family got out of the house, packed up the baby paraphernalia into the minivan, and drove down to Fiddler’s Pond. It doesn’t have any fiddlers … Continue Reading The Stroller Analogy
“Sure, that looks easy.” I gingerly positioned my butt in the middle of the rickety wooden stool and balanced myself by leaning my head against the cow’s thick, wooly hide. Then I grabbed that dangling, fleshy udder and squeezed as hard as I could. A little drop plinked into the bucket.
Happy 3rd Anniversary, Janice! I’m happy I married you. Hopefully this “poem” doesn’t cause you to regret that decision… Janice, she’s the she for me She’s the one for me, … Continue Reading Janice, she’s the she for me
Click here to get notified of new blogs by email! Friday I had to babysit while Janice went out to eat with some of friends. I’m not complaining because another … Continue Reading Eggs in the Toaster
Of course, you can’t just get any ointment, it has to be infant safe with all natural coloring and zero corn syrup. This makes the price go up about $10 an ounce. Wait, isn’t the infant formula more diluted? How is it more expensive!?
Maybe I could anoint it with oil. Maybe I could cast a demon out of it. That way the repair costs would fit into our budget, unless of course the anointing oil was more than $2.
Yesterday my family and I visited the Potawatomi Zoo. It’s a place that inspires the imagination, especially when you try to spell the name. It’s in South Bend which is … Continue Reading Visiting the Potawatomi Zoo (& a few innovative zoo ideas of my own)
It’s finally raining again in Goshen, Indiana. The backyard was so dry that even a colorblind man could see that the grass lacked green. This means that when my chickens, … Continue Reading Rain, Flies, Cooking Shows, & A New Mattress
Quickly and easily learn to speak like Adilene, our 16 month old daughter, with this comprehensive guide.
While I was sitting at the coffee shop, it struck me that bacon, Tim Tams, and the Headship Order have some things in common.
One Sunday afternoon my friends and I abandoned our wives and drove to the National Air & Space Museum. That might sound a little cruel but trust me, wives handle Air & Space museums as well as husbands handle shoe shopping.