It gets quite breezy in my head at times and I was alarmed to find that my carefully crafted, powerfully poignant piece of literary artwork had evaporated like cheap toilet paper. I started shoving words out of my mouth hoping that, like a five speed car with a dead battery, I could just jump start my brain by pushing it down a hill.
I bought a new vacuum cleaner. It’s a premium, deluxe, extra awesome Bissell that Walmart had on sale for $50. After ripping the box open, I found a motley crew … Continue Reading Some Assembly Required
It’s a good thing I married a wonderful wife who has a completely normal family history. Oh, except for that one time Janice’s grandpa thought America was going to be destroyed by God and so he moved seven of his fourteen kids to Paraguay to escape the Apocalypse (true story).
Click here to get notified of new blogs by email! Fasting Janice and I have begun to fast regularly. I don’t mean “fast” as in speed of motion, although Janice … Continue Reading Hunger, Vacuum Cleaners, & Moving North
If my friend Nathaniel, for instance, gets a slight whiff of a stinky diaper he’ll forcibly crash through a second story window to escape the smell. If you can’t overcome this instinct I’m afraid you’ll injure yourself because you’ll be jumping out of windows three of four times a day.
You may not even think you’re qualified to do what He’s asking but God is not limited by your lack of ability, only your lack of obedience.
Janice opens the cupboard, pulls out a black top hat, sticks her hand into it and yells “Abracadabra!” then pulls out a hot, nutritionally balanced meal neatly arranged on a plate.
“How did you do that!?”
“What? This? It’s just some leftovers I threw together.”
Being rich is a lot of work so here’s a few ways to act the part while avoiding the stress of the fluctuating stock market or the threat of being … Continue Reading 5 Ways to Look Rich While Being Dirt Poor
At this point, her tiny toothbrush probably has more germs on it than the toilet brush. Of course, since all she has is baby teeth, they’ll fall out anyway. It’s like nature’s dentist. “Hey kid, you ruined your first pair of teeth, but here are some new teeth. Try again.”
…Her brothers poked the headless iguana with sticks and, since the lizard still had working reflexes, it would scurry off in a random, undetermined direction.
Since Janice is pregnant she has a super doppler sense of smell. If a stinkbug farts in the attic, she’ll stop what she’s doing and look at me accusingly while … Continue Reading Leaky Pipes
A couple weeks ago, our family got out of the house, packed up the baby paraphernalia into the minivan, and drove down to Fiddler’s Pond. It doesn’t have any fiddlers … Continue Reading The Stroller Analogy
“Sure, that looks easy.” I gingerly positioned my butt in the middle of the rickety wooden stool and balanced myself by leaning my head against the cow’s thick, wooly hide. Then I grabbed that dangling, fleshy udder and squeezed as hard as I could. A little drop plinked into the bucket.
Thanks to two new monthly support pledges last week, we are at 20.42% support! This is fantastic and we’re so excited to be seeing momentum like this. In September so … Continue Reading We Officially Passed 20% Support!
Happy 3rd Anniversary, Janice! I’m happy I married you. Hopefully this “poem” doesn’t cause you to regret that decision… Janice, she’s the she for me She’s the one for me, … Continue Reading Janice, she’s the she for me
Click here to get notified of new blogs by email! Friday I had to babysit while Janice went out to eat with some of friends. I’m not complaining because another … Continue Reading Eggs in the Toaster