First time parents carefully lay everything out, measure clearances, analyze rash percentages, and take notes of frequency and consistency. But after a week or so you’ve changed diapers several hundred times. You can smell a change in consistency from several rooms over.
The problem is that your wife wants the organic, limited edition bath bombs handmade from essential oils by Tibetan monks and then blessed by the pope. The pope’s blessing doesn’t come cheaply and so you’re on the hook for some overpriced bubble bath.
If my friend Nathaniel, for instance, gets a slight whiff of a stinky diaper he’ll forcibly crash through a second story window to escape the smell. If you can’t overcome this instinct I’m afraid you’ll injure yourself because you’ll be jumping out of windows three of four times a day.
Rich people have fine tastes and so most things fall short of their expectations. If you complain a lot about how common, everyday things are beneath you, people will assume you’re wealthy. They’ll also hate you, but that’s OK. Being hated is another trait of wealthy people.
Happy 3rd Anniversary, Janice! I’m happy I married you. Hopefully this “poem” doesn’t cause you to regret that decision… Janice, she’s the she for me She’s the one for me, … Continue reading Janice, she’s the she for me
Of course, you can’t just get any ointment, it has to be infant safe with all natural coloring and zero corn syrup. This makes the price go up about $10 an ounce. Wait, isn’t the infant formula more diluted? How is it more expensive!?
Quickly and easily learn to speak like Adilene, our 16 month old daughter, with this comprehensive guide.
Need a TV from 1987? These work and we only want $100 a piece.
Technology has shortened our attention span. In fact, at this point, we’re even too busy to utter words more than two syllables long. Like, serious, no one’s got time for … Continue reading Words Take Too Long
Last time I was perusing the aisle of the Yoder’s Bent & Dent Emporium, it occurred to me that shopping Amish bent & dent stores is a lot like wandering into the mission field.
Click here to get notified of new blogs by email! I haven’t written any posts in awhile, mostly because I’ve been in hiding. I’ve been in hiding because I’ve committed … Continue reading Minivans are Manly (Obviously)