It gets quite breezy in my head at times and I was alarmed to find that my carefully crafted, powerfully poignant piece of literary artwork had evaporated like cheap toilet paper. I started shoving words out of my mouth hoping that, like a five speed car with a dead battery, I could just jump start my brain by pushing it down a hill.
I bought a new vacuum cleaner. It's a premium, deluxe, extra awesome Bissell that Walmart had on sale for $50. After ripping the box open, I found a motley crew of plastic components inside complete with a instruction manual translated into fifty languages. It was pretty easy to assemble because all the pieces were there, … Continue reading Some Assembly Required
It’s a good thing I married a wonderful wife who has a completely normal family history. Oh, except for that one time Janice’s grandpa thought America was going to be destroyed by God and so he moved seven of his fourteen kids to Paraguay to escape the Apocalypse (true story).
Click here to get notified of new blogs by email! Fasting Janice and I have begun to fast regularly. I don't mean "fast" as in speed of motion, although Janice does drive fast regularly; I mean fast as in to go without eating for a certain period of time. Why? Well, the reasons get less … Continue reading Hunger, Vacuum Cleaners, & Moving North
Janice opens the cupboard, pulls out a black top hat, sticks her hand into it and yells "Abracadabra!" then pulls out a hot, nutritionally balanced meal neatly arranged on a plate. "How did you do that!?" "What? This? It's just some leftovers I threw together."
At this point, her tiny toothbrush probably has more germs on it than the toilet brush. Of course, since all she has is baby teeth, they'll fall out anyway. It's like nature's dentist. "Hey kid, you ruined your first pair of teeth, but here are some new teeth. Try again."
...Her brothers poked the headless iguana with sticks and, since the lizard still had working reflexes, it would scurry off in a random, undetermined direction.
Since Janice is pregnant she has a super doppler sense of smell. If a stinkbug farts in the attic, she'll stop what she's doing and look at me accusingly while raising an eyebrow. "What?" I'll ask, bewildered. "Was that you?" She grimaces. "Ugh!" "What?" I'm still confused. "That wasn't you? This house has been stinking … Continue reading Leaky Pipes
"Sure, that looks easy." I gingerly positioned my butt in the middle of the rickety wooden stool and balanced myself by leaning my head against the cow's thick, wooly hide. Then I grabbed that dangling, fleshy udder and squeezed as hard as I could. A little drop plinked into the bucket.
Thanks to two new monthly support pledges last week, we are at 20.42% support! This is fantastic and we're so excited to be seeing momentum like this. In September so far, four people have supported us. In previous months we were averaging 1.5 supporters a month (an educated guesstimate). It's incredibly humbling to have so … Continue reading We Officially Passed 20% Support!