Pregnancy Progression & Divine Firewood

Women in the third trimester of pregnancy are a little bit like turtles. If they get into a certain position, they become immobile and just sit there with their legs and arms swinging around…

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Flying with Toddlers & the Depravity of Mankind

No one has ever groveled like a parent with a screaming toddler on a plane. “Here’s pretzels. Have a cookie. Here’s a bag of sugar. Hey, I got an idea, let’s sing “Baby Shark.’ In fact, here’s Daddy’s iPhone; all yours! Whatever your heart desires, up to half the kingdom, is yours. Just stop screaming.”

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Some Assembly Required

I bought a new vacuum cleaner. It’s a premium, deluxe, extra awesome Bissell that Walmart had on sale for $50. After ripping the box open, I found a motley crew of plastic components inside complete with a instruction manual translated into fifty languages. It was pretty easy to assemble because all the pieces were there,…

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Hunger, Vacuum Cleaners, & Moving North

Click here to get notified of new blogs by email! Fasting Janice and I have begun to fast regularly. I don’t mean “fast” as in speed of motion, although Janice does drive fast regularly; I mean fast as in to go without eating for a certain period of time. Why? Well, the reasons get less…

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Seven Serious, No Nonsense Tips for First Time Parents

If my friend Nathaniel, for instance, gets a slight whiff of a stinky diaper he’ll forcibly crash through a second story window to escape the smell. If you can’t overcome this instinct I’m afraid you’ll injure yourself because you’ll be jumping out of windows three of four times a day.

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